Someone is going down for this.
She shuffles up to the cash register, a nondescript girl with mousey brown hair and glasses. Dressed casually in a ripped pair of jeans and a simple black tee shirt, she doesn’t attract much notice.
Every thirty seconds or so her eyes shift back and forth between the displays crowding the aisles before landing on the patterned tiles on the floor and her complete lack of pedicure.
It is Thanksgiving morning, and she is endlessly grateful for this tiny break from her family.
She is racking her brain trying to remember the items on that detailed list she forgot on the counter.
Her husband needs batteries for the tv remote.
Uncle bill has a cold, and required some decongestant.
Her nephew spilled an entire can of cranberry sauce just this morning on her white lace tablecloth, so she had to remember the bleach.
It is supposed to snow tonight, so she had to grab some rock salt for the driveway before someone gets hurt.
She desperately needed a pick-me-up in the form of a four pack of red bull.
They were out of toilet paper last time she checked.
The cat needs soft food for her delicate digestion.
And she needed some sugar for her homemade apple pie.
whew, She hopes that is everything.
She makes it to the register and begins meticulously stacking her wares for checkout.
The girl starts ringing up her items, when she notices a tall man watching her. Or is she paranoid? he can’t be watching her? Is he walking over here? now he’s talking to the cashier.
“Is there a problem guys?’ she timidly asks them?
The cashier looks at her with a mixture of innate curiosity and pity, as the tall man signals her out of the line.
“Actually there is a problem mam’m.” the tall mam states. “We will need to talk in my office.” with this he leads the way to a dark and chilly corner office. The sound of the door clicking closed behind her has her uncertainly glancing around.
“mam’m, I’m sorry to detain you like this, but I think you should know that authorities have been notified, and we will try to make this process as quick and painless as possible.”
“What!?” she shrieks, launching out of her chair. spilling the contents of her purse across the tiled floor.
The man merely shakes his head and motions her to sit down. “Mam’m, Im afraid we have you on video attempting to purchase a bag of sugar.”
“Sugar?” she looks confused.
“yes mam’m, I apologize, but we simply cannot allow you to get away with this. It’s the law now.”
with this, he points to a flyer on the wall with a picture of Michelle Obama holding a carrot stick. In bold bright letters it proclaims that no American citizen may purchase sweets accounting for greater than 500 calories.
She is holding her head in her hands weeping when the officer comes to take her away.
That’ll teach her.
Don’t know what I’m talking about?
a sneak peek at your future kiddies.
http://www.mrconservative.com/2012/02/2000-king-sized-candy-bar-ban/
Mrs.President has proclaimed that King sized candy bars are no longer to be made. Because obviously that is the problem? definitely not poor diet all around and a complete lack of activities. Most definitely not the parent’s faults. it’s obviously the king sized candy bars.
duh.
xoxo
ME
